I have often wondered what can make any caregiver harm or abuse a newborn, a child, or a helpless mongoloid child, teenager, grown up or elderly who is unable to speak or write or read. The first answer has to be that she is a troubled person herself and knowing me, I am quick to blame it on the parents for not knowing and teaching the child right from the very beginning.
When we acquire a bad caregiver one ask’s one’s self who is to blame? But here we are talking about who is to blame for making such a bad decision in hiring a caregiver. I blame most of it on the clients for not knowing how to properly conduct an interview. Don’t feel bad, it is all a learning process but you need to learn and learn fast. As children of an era where caregivers were horrible, you have to remember perhaps who and how you were treated by your nanny or caregiver, well think of it this way: You do not want your child to have the bad memories you may have if you should remember, I know that some of you do… So you need to act and learn how to protect your unborn child from these horrible critters.
Whether you want to admit it or not, a caregiver is the highest position one interviews a candidate for, I have read where someone said that when you are interviewing for a caregiver you have to pretend as though you were interviewing for positions as high as the President of the United States, I say, think again! The President falls short because “should you loose your president, he/she can be replaced, should you loose your child forever that child is irreplaceable no matter how many more are to come” So I advice all new “first time parents to be” To do their homework and to do it early and do it right. DO NOT do like most who wait till the last minute to interview and do a half ass job…
An interview as delicate as this one is, is to be conducted early on in your pregnancy when searching for a baby nurse if you are acquiring one, and if you are not, then I suggest conducting the nanny interview if you do not have much maternity leave if you are a working mom. If you are a stay at home mom (sahm) who is going to attempt caring for your child on your own then by all means you can wait till your baby is born to conduct the nanny search if you have let’s say at least 3 months maternity leave, so if you have the time while searching for your baby nurse which should be done very early in your pregnancy to ensure that you get quality as oppose to leftovers though you can luck out sometimes by getting a good baby nurse towards the end, in my opinion for optimum care and for the protection of the newborn baby, one should not rely on luck, you may be among the unlucky ones, too high a risk to take, too high a price to pay! But if you have the time and while in the interviewing mode you should also look for your child’s nanny.
Granted, many nannies cannot wait the time but today we have so many sahm that need part time and temporary caregivers that a smart, good caregiver, especially those seeking a long term position can and will commit to something that is appealing to her in the long run even if it means waiting for a bit. Make it worth her while within reason of course and you will notice the difference. Heard of that old cigarette saying I’ll walk a mile for a camel? Same goes for the caregiver that wants something that is lasting and rewarding sorta like: Make me an offer I cannot refuse! She’ll wait patiently for the right family for that it’s what it’s all about, the parents landing the right caregiver and the caregiver landing the right client. All you have to do is put yourself in the caregivers shoe and pretend you are interviewing for the job of your life, ask yourself, what do I expect and want from my employer for all you bring to the plate? There lies your answers as to what your caregiver wants and expects from you based on her experience.
I have the questions and answers the most demanding of clients need ask during such an interview. But of course I will not post them here because I know that not only clients read my blogs, caregivers do as well, only to “try” to duplicate me but there is only one Yvette, “The one and only” anything read similar remember where you read it and saw it first, the rest are nothing but “immitations, wannabes” And that my dears is not being pompous, it’s being real and knowing the real deal. I will never divulge questions clients should ask candidates, this will only be awaring them of what is coming and that they will never learn from me but you just have to know and believe that there are ways of getting around it all you just have to be willing, hones and not lazy.
If you want these questions and answers you can call me or write to me, we will set up an interview and once I am convinced that you are indeed a parent seeking a caregiver, I will release all the questions and all the right answers. You will see a big difference! A lot of it is you not knowing but there is always something you can do.
The good thing here is that there are solutions to landing “Horrible Caregivers” But how unfair it is that we cannot do anything about:
THE HORRIBLE CLIENTS:
There are so many out there, you must know that in the same world where horrible caregivers abound, there are horrible clients as well, and believe it or not, the horrible clients are usually the “Moms” and some because they know they are so horrible, try to get Dads involved by blaming them for all or partial wrongdoing, the line is always the same: It’s not my doing, it’s my husband’s you know how he is, they are so lying through their teeth it is so embarrassing that one cannot help but say yes I know, I never answer, I just look at them but if they only knew what was going through my mind. The poor dad not wanting to or not daring to say NO to his wife, simply goes along with her wrongdoing.
Clients Who Are Horrible To Baby Nurses:
I feel sorry for weak baby nurses because they shall encounter these horrible women and please believe me when I tell you, there is nothing worse than to be working in the home of abusive and horrible clients… To all baby nurses out there, my advise to you is:Don’t settle for nothing else than what you expect. Know your worth, if you honestly are good and serious about being a baby nurse who takes great care of the newborn baby, if you know your job, you have great references and you you know that doing this job because you love and are passionate about babies, then by all means you have the right to be demanding. Never settle.
A great baby nurse is one who goes into the home of the client to care unconditionally for their newborn baby or babies but in my book, a good caregiver is also a woman who goes into the home to help the mom recover as quickly as posible so she can carry on, on her own and get back to where she belongs. Post partum moms are very vulnerable, they are in a very delicate state and we as women need to nurse her back in anyway we can to where she belongs… There is no such thing as a great baby nurse going into the home thinking to care only for the child and forgetting the mom. You are then insensitive and in my book you are not to be considered a great baby nurse for to be a great baby nurse you need to be compassionate, you need to have a heart and how do you have one if the well being and recovery of a client simply does not matter to you? A good baby nurse goes into the home with a mindset of taking care of the Mom and baby with the main concentration being the baby.
Once you know that you are a great baby nurse then you can be demanding and again, do not settle for less, do not allow a client to dictate your worth. If it’s in you to lower your fees to accommodate a certain client or a certain situation, that is wonderful and commendable of you. It should not always be about the mighty dollar. Do a great job while in the house, Baby, Mom and Dad and even the Pets. Never think that you have to add on to your Baby Nurse profession other titles like: Babynurse/Nanny, Babynurse/ housekeeper Babynurse/cook… Those are self tittles for those who need handicap, aspire to be the best whether others recognize you as the best or not simply does not matter, what matters is that you know your worth and thats all.
One thing I am certain about, not being pompous or arrogant but simply being honest. I know that I am a fabulous baby nurse, I do not need any client to tell me so but of course it is always nice to hear it from those who truly appreciate great caregiving. But over the years I have heard nothing but from decent, kind, loving women who appreciate kindness and good unconditional care given to their newborns when they came across it. Those are the clients I hold in high esteem, those are the ones that matter but I dare ANY CLIENT to look me in the eyes and tell me that I did not give good, unconditional care to their baby or to themselves as Moms, I went over the line for my moms, even the not so nice ones until I figure them out I still gave them he benefit of the doubt because I have always made it my business to to go into an assignment with the mindset of helpiing all moms, there is nothing wrong with doing extras if you have the time and you want to do it from the heart, it may not come back to you with that mom but in the long run, you will see the rewards. I honestly do believe this… I have had a few moms that no matter how much you do for them, I really believe they see it as being part of the package as though we owe them, we do not and never make anyone make you feel as though you owe them… You can always get a client to pay you higher but the client can never pay enough for good caregiving, this is from the heart, it is selfless, you are either born with it or not. I was born with it and it is my blood until the day I close my eyes…
Clients Who Are Horrible To The Unfortunate, (Ilegals):
I have seen some really horrible Moms, one really has to question ones self, how is this posible? I for one feel for those caregivers who come to this country seeking to better themselves and to help support their children and their parents, wow… If some parents who are back in their homeland only knew what these women as caregivers with no papers go through for their children and family, they would advice them not to leave their home because it is not all that it is painted to be. The torture some go through is devastating and sad, I know of women working 7 days a week getting paid something like $200 or $300 weekly to do everything in the house for their “patrones” Slavery is not over people, no by a long shot. There are so many people who abuse their caregivers it is sad to see or even hear about it.
Some moms today want a caregiver who cleans, cooks, washes, irons, drives, speaks english well and on top of that want childcare 24/7 because they are simply too lazy to get up with their children at night yet want to pay beween $300 and 500 a week. This type of salary they make in their own country so how do they benefit by coming here? In my eyes, only a cruel person would do this to another human being. How can you sleep at night knowing that you exploit people this way? When do you expect this woman to get her “proper rest”? If she has to be up at 6am to prepare breakfast for your children, you and your husband, feed your pets, clean a house and do all the chores she is to do throughout the day then expect her to be up with the children when they wake at night. When does she rest? I already know that you do not care because if you knew the meaning of the word “care” you would not abuse anyone as you do day in and day out.
How about those parents who expect the caregiver to do the same job as above, yet discounts from the miserable pay they give them, what they eat in food while in their home? Many of you are totally unaware of the cruelty many of these women go through, the things they have to put it with, I hear this over and over again because these women want out, they want someone to talk to, they want other jobs, I simply do no get it and honestly, a great number of “patrones” who exploit are people who come from hispanic countries, somehow they forget where they came from, what it is like in their own country so they abuse their own, how sad is that?
When you acquire a live-in caregiver: She is to get room and board, you as the employer are suppose to provide a clean, nice place for these women to rest themselves at night while spending their day working their tails off for you and doing a great job at it too. They are supposed to have a TV as entertainment though I seriously doubt they will watch it because they are so overworked and tired they will pass out but nonetheless, if you have live in help, you should make sure that the caregiver has a tv. She is NOT to pay for food in your home or food she orders from outside…
Clients Who Are Hard To Please:
For the most part I have been blessed with great clients, overall this has been wonderful, however, I would like to point out that the same way there are great caregivers, the same there are spectacular clients and the same way there are nasty, selfish, horrible caregivers, there are parents that match and are worse in all extent of the word. I have come to learn that in life and in this business like all businessess, there are always going to be those who no matter what, one simply cannot please and those tend to take things to the extreme by doing all in their power to paralize you from working.
I have found in this business like in any other business that there are clients who praise you for your work and there are those clients who your work does not impress them whatsoever, those are the ones that are quick to blurt out, I am paying you for your services. I must tell you, when it comes to good caregiving, one simply cannot buy that with no amount of money, there is simply not enough money to pay anyone to love, properly care for and safely care for one’s loved ones, your most prized possessions.There is not one parents alive or dead that can say to me that it was not obvious to them that I always had their babies/childrens best interest at heart and that I loved their babies and cared well for them.
In this client/babynurse relationship, those clients who were not happy with you for whatever their reason, they label you and they criticize you, those who were not receptive to anything you brought to the plate take it even further by spreading rumors that can harm the caregiver big time. Once the labels are out there, that is a bell that cannot be un-rung. These vicious rumours beging to spread but “only” telling their story their way but never telling the whole story… My mother always said: There are three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth but when it comes to the wealthy, that circle listens only to what they have to say and screw the caregiver.
There are people who think that Microsoft is a scam company and many who question Mark Zuckerberg, the owner of Facebook. There will always be critics and there will always be unhappy customers in every industry at every company. In this business, it only takes one person to give you a bad review, simply because they don’t like you or perhaps there was indeed a bad experience but I assure you that when they tell their story, it is only one sided. If you ask me, it seems a bit cruel, selfish and irresponsible when you think about it, because that bad review could paralyze your entire career. However, in this world of free speech, people do that daily to caregivers, to hard working people, authors, to musicians, to restaurants, etc.
The key here is: Judge always for yourself, don’t believe everything you read and hear, do your homework by questioning past and present clients, listen to the information they provide, of course also listen to the not so pleasant side of those who have negative things to say and go with your gut.Everyone cannot like you, that goes for you and for me but until you have all sides of the story, do not be so quick to judge, you may be harming someone who simply does not deserve it. The circle of moms small is small and when one begins to spread rumors it spreads like wild fire but I thank those people who heard and gave me a chance to prove them wrong, we had a blast. Also, always consider the source, as friends you see the same things we see but some of you to keep the peace or to preserve a friendship will overlook a great caregiver no to offend a friend, that is sad but it is what it is…
Life is difficult, some people get everything handed to them on a silver platter, others like myself and most caregivers, have to work harder to achieve goals and get what we desire and that is fine by me, I am a hard worker and a survivor, no stranger to any of those and I will continue to work harder if I have to, which is virtually impossible because I already give my all to my clients but to certain clients, your all is simply not always enough but I know that I will always be recommended by some terrific clients, as long as I continue to demonstrate the same quality of service that I know and have always given.
I know that even on a bad day, my work is great because it is from the heart and what I give to my clients, most baby nurses do not give. There will always be challenges of course but never allow clients to put fear in your heart or to try to dictate how you work. So you may loose a few clients, you are really not loosing, they are loosing
1) For being weaklings 2) For not having a mind of their own 3) For listening to one sided stories when there are so many reputable clients telling different
God bless the child that has a mind of their own, always remember that what works for one person may not work for you, follow your gut and go with it, you may be wonderfuly surprised!
I WORK HARDER AND PRAY HARDER for those who wish to see me fail… I live my life with no regrets but learn from my mistakes for none of us are perfect. I have plenty of room for positive energy and absolutely none for negative… You simply cannot keep a good woman down!